Clint Bower at Indianapolis Motor Speedway. Photo credit: Brian Lawdermilk/Getty Images

If someone deserves an award for simply living life as the Good Lord intended, it’s NASCAR’s Clint Bowyer. He’s the most unapologetic country boy there is, and his views on Formula One, that series with them Eu-ro-peans over there driving spaceship cars that aren’t even V8s, are amazing.

Bowyer’s views aren’t just amazing, actually, they’re television worthy. Every Ferrari- or Mercedes-dominated F1 race would be instantly more entertaining with a stream of Bowyer comments throughout its entirety, to the point that he should most definitely take his eventual retirement to the F1 television booth. Please.

Sadly, that dream will probably never be realized. Bowyer doesn’t like how early these foreign folks wake up in the morning, especially when the cars are so quiet you’d almost fall back asleep.  (He didn’t specifically mention that last part about how quiet they are, but if they ain’t loud, they ain’t racin’ hard enough. Plus, we hear they run some typa V6 “hybrid” things over there. Bless their hearts.) From USA Today: “I can’t even get up early enough to watch them races let alone compete in ‘em,” Bowyer said.

Bowyer forgets that there are, in fact, time zones outside of the Red, White and Blue, which would make these races go on in the afternoon and evening hours where they occur. But that’s an easy mistake, because, like, America. It’s the only country that matters. Totally.

Here are the rest of Bowyer’s thoughts on F1, emphasis ours, from USA Today:

“It’s just amazing what those cars are capable of doing, but they look more like spaceships than race cars if you ask me. I grew up in Kansas, we didn’t have anything like that. We couldn’t even get the station that covered that, so I don’t know. And I can’t understand the announcer that covers it anyway, so I don’t know about that.

I would like to go to that track that has all the boats on it though, them big yachts. You find me a rig like that to back up to the track and watch when I retire, I’ll go with you. How about that? You’ll have to talk to everybody though, I won’t be able to do that.”

The track with all of the big yachts is the Monaco street course. Kimi Raikkonen, F1’s resident mumbler of Finnish descent, retired from the 2006 race after his car broke and went straight to his yacht. Perhaps the two could be friends, if Bowyer could understand what Raikkonen was saying. (Most of us can’t either, actually.)

The race commentating Bowyer can’t understand is led by NBC Sports Group’slead F1 play-by play announcer, Leigh Diffey, who called the Monster Energy NASCAR Cup Series race that Bowyer competed in at Watkins Glen International last weekend.

Amazing.